Ups and Downs

Normally I write about wider topics, but today I am inclined to get personal.  It is a windy and emotional Sunday for me in Dunedin, New Zealand.  

Maybe it is time to take stock of a year, or even of a couple of years.  It has been an amazing and scary journey since March 2008.  Not only did I experience an epiphany of sorts where I saw how life should be different and how it could be more rewarding, but I also went through the turmoil of following my new insight and dragging my family (and the dog) into it.  And here we are, still in the process, but much of the change is behind us.

Chrissie is in a new position at a new hospital,and she is very happy and successful.  I have seen her flower into a new being as I imagined in the taxi in the middle of Johannesburg in 2008.  For all the effort, this is reward beyond any expectation.  My wife, my best mate, my fellow traveller on this road of life is now an assertive and confident individual, slowly growing into the full potential I believe she has.  As Ian Dean (a very wise man) once said: “Chrissie has a certain presence that many of us just dream to have.”  I took this to heart Ian, I listened and wondered why she is not shining like she should be.  Now she is getting there.  It is her time.  I am awestruck.

My son is finding it tough.  Perhaps he is like me, a slow starter.  In 1995 I was siting in an old library room at the chemistry department of the University of Stellenosch.  It was a cold  day and I took the early flight from Johannesburg to Cape Town.  I was waiting on a professor that was supposed to be able to evaluate my proposal for a doctorate.  He walked into the room, a man with a smile and a soft attitude, and after listening to my carefully prepared presentation, he made a few comments.  Only one stayed with me: “Jan, some people flower later in life.  It is more important to know that you have to persevere than it is to achieve early.”  This is what I hope Jan-Dawid will hear from people around him.  We are ready when we are ready, not a second before then.  And we are often ready for things completely different from what we think we should be.  It takes wisdom that we do not have necessarily at age twenty.  I just hope that he takes the cue from us and persevere through the tough times he now faces.

I have registered my own company and I am getting to grips with what it means.  At the same time I am trying to do more at home, to be a more supportive partner to Chrissie and a better father.  I also try and take Jessie (the Irish Terrier) for regular walks.  It is not easy, to be honest.  I have many days of severe doubt and fear.   At fifty it is scary to drop everything and take up something completely new.  It is also something that gets the energy flowing.  That is important.  Some guys buy a Harley, some get a girl friend (in her twenties), I move to NZ.  I guess it equates.  

In summary, it has been 24 months of discovery for us.  It has been more than a 100 weeks of contemplation for me.  It is not done yet, not by any measure.  We have a house and we can sleep sound at night.  I have the resources to cook for friends and give them a glass of wine.  We can crack jokes and debate the plight of humanity.  

I can look into my beautiful wife’s eyes and see her joy and I can see my son getting to grips with reality.  This is all I need.  And perhaps to have Jessie listen when I ask her not to go after the cat across the street.  We need less than we imagine.